Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
