John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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