I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
