Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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