Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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