I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
