i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
