Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
