She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
