After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
