Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
