I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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