there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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