Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
vagina is talking i cant
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
