So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
