i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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