I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize