Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
