Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize