Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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