hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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