I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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