My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
