Tell her she can't have a vagina
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
