I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
