I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
