i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
