She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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