oh god the rape fog is back!
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
