dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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