Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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