I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
