Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize