Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
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pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
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The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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