What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
