Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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