You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't deserve a penis
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
