Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
