oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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