As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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