I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
