the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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