Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
