loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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