U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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