I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
