I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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