she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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