Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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