This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
