I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
