I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
