Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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