i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
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I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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