oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
