oh god the rape fog is back!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i love accidental penises.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
