she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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