ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
