He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
