STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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