I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
