At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
