Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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