My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
