So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
