Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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