The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
