I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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