Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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