That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
