he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
