two words: eviction party
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
