is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
