Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
