the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
