Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
