Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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