I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Your penis caused this!
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